Tarpkikgar is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, charitable cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Tarpkikgar created a Higgs boson eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpkikgar, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tarpkikgar, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Tarpkikgar's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Tarpkikgar's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Always help horses in need.

3. Run away from black foxes, for they are unholy.

4. You must pray to Tarpkikgar nine times a day.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.