Wigjonnell is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, idiotic gorilla.

Wigjonnell created the planet Earth seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wigjonnell, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Wigjonnell, he will not care at all.

Wigjonnell's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Wigjonnell's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.