Tigfunjap is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, wise deer.

Tigfunjap created a down quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tigfunjap, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tigfunjap, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Tigfunjap's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Tigfunjap's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Retreat if eight seals approach from the south.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never think about amino acids.