Tigfunjap is a god.
He takes the form of an enormous, wise
deer.
Tigfunjap created a down quark eight trillion years ago.
If you believe in
Tigfunjap, he will grant your every wish.
If you do not believe in
Tigfunjap, he will turn you into a giant slug.
Tigfunjap's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.
Tigfunjap's Holy Commandments1. Never play with disobedient children.
2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.
3. Retreat if eight seals approach from the south.
4. Do not drink alcohol.
5. Never think about amino acids.