Somtinkem is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, proud gerbil.

Somtinkem created the planet Earth seven million years ago.

If you believe in Somtinkem, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Somtinkem, she will turn you into a goat.

Somtinkem's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Somtinkem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Never look at comets.

5. Never look in ponds.