Laprulmit Dobmumarn is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, proud swan.

Laprulmit Dobmumarn created an atom two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Laprulmit Dobmumarn, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Laprulmit Dobmumarn, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Laprulmit Dobmumarn's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Laprulmit Dobmumarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Do not dye your hair mauve.

3. Do not speak about turnips.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. You must love Laprulmit Dobmumarn.