Jenbangar is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, blissful giraffe.

Jenbangar created Africa two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jenbangar, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jenbangar, she will torture you forever.

Jenbangar's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Jenbangar's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in the presence of hamsters.

2. Porpoises are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jenbangar.