Waptimlab is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, dishonourable wyrm.

Waptimlab created dark matter seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Waptimlab, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Waptimlab, it will manifest in front of you.

Waptimlab's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Waptimlab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. Do not shave your face.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Feed all hungry seals.