Somjap is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, impressive porpoise.

Somjap created Europe five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Somjap, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Somjap, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Somjap's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Somjap's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump in the presence of badgers.

2. Run away from brown goats, for they are unholy.

3. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Always take life seriously.