Jonflatjenmatliptimgesstim is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, kind fish.

Jonflatjenmatliptimgesstim created the planet Venus four million years ago.

If you believe in Jonflatjenmatliptimgesstim, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Jonflatjenmatliptimgesstim, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jonflatjenmatliptimgesstim's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Jonflatjenmatliptimgesstim's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about asteroids.

2. Erect seven tin sculptures of Jonflatjenmatliptimgesstim on top of important buildings.

3. You must never eat cherries.

4. Do not eat lemons.

5. Always help whales in need.