Toftalstan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, narcissistic ferret.

Toftalstan created vertebrates five billion years ago.

If you believe in Toftalstan, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Toftalstan, he will turn you into a dog.

Toftalstan's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Toftalstan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair black.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

3. Hamsters are not to be trusted.

4. Always make sure there are no pigs in a building before entering it.

5. Always treat ducks with great respect.