Hatarfspaggov is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, compassionate weasel.

Hatarfspaggov created carbon six billion years ago.

If you believe in Hatarfspaggov, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Hatarfspaggov, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Hatarfspaggov's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Hatarfspaggov's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat beans.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Hatarfspaggov must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never write about gravity.

5. Do not stand on grass.