Xuckvonkgep is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, sage lobster.

Xuckvonkgep created matter four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xuckvonkgep, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Xuckvonkgep, he will turn you into a dog.

Xuckvonkgep's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Xuckvonkgep's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large silver sculpture of Xuckvonkgep on top of all buildings.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never eat lemons.

4. Xuckvonkgep must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Always take life seriously.