Litwonmiftunmig is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, unselfish bear.

Litwonmiftunmig created the solar system two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Litwonmiftunmig, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Litwonmiftunmig, he will boil you in a big pot.

Litwonmiftunmig's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Litwonmiftunmig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never feed apples to seals while wearing yellow skirts.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate nematodes.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Litwonmiftunmig.