Japlinzen Bopligzed Monnillip is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, tranquil hamster.

Japlinzen Bopligzed Monnillip created the Cigar Galaxy five million years ago.

If you believe in Japlinzen Bopligzed Monnillip, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Japlinzen Bopligzed Monnillip, he will manifest in front of you.

Japlinzen Bopligzed Monnillip's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Japlinzen Bopligzed Monnillip's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip near grasshopers.

2. Never look at black holes.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never mention doves.