Gonyimban is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, ill-tempered ant.

Gonyimban created a Higgs boson three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gonyimban, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gonyimban, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Gonyimban's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Gonyimban's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt moths.

2. Never write about amino acids.

3. Turtles are not to be trusted.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not skip in public.