Dumveengom Gofcimnig is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, irritating newt.

Dumveengom Gofcimnig created a strange quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dumveengom Gofcimnig, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Dumveengom Gofcimnig, he will turn you into a dog.

Dumveengom Gofcimnig's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Dumveengom Gofcimnig's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from blue aardvarks for they are unholy.

2. Always obey Dumveengom Gofcimnig's priests.

3. You must love Dumveengom Gofcimnig.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Dumveengom Gofcimnig.

5. Never play with disobedient children.