Sagcissnut is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, almighty giraffe.

Sagcissnut created humankind two million years ago.

If you believe in Sagcissnut, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Sagcissnut, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Sagcissnut's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Sagcissnut's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear white.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Put Sagcissnut first in all things.