Jenparkwab is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, narcissistic coyote.

Jenparkwab created the planet Venus five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jenparkwab, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Jenparkwab, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Jenparkwab's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Jenparkwab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about rice.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not eat figs.

4. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

5. Never eat nuts.