Bemquagnull is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, unsympathetic slug.

Bemquagnull created the planet Venus six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemquagnull, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bemquagnull, she will turn you into a dog.

Bemquagnull's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Bemquagnull's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry tortoises.

2. Pigs are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never talk about cell theory.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Do not chop down trees.