Spagquaftimmid is a god.

He takes the form of a small, caring crow.

Spagquaftimmid created an electron seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Spagquaftimmid, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Spagquaftimmid, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Spagquaftimmid's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Spagquaftimmid's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Always wear fawn.

3. Do not speak about garlic.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not kill seals.