Vannurlfumwon Lopbarnveen is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, compassionate scorpion.

Vannurlfumwon Lopbarnveen created the Andromeda Galaxy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vannurlfumwon Lopbarnveen, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Vannurlfumwon Lopbarnveen, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Vannurlfumwon Lopbarnveen's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Vannurlfumwon Lopbarnveen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat grapes.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Vannurlfumwon Lopbarnveen.

4. Never laugh in holy places.

5. Do not kill porpoises.