Vinyamwee is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, benevolent otter.

Vinyamwee created bats nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Vinyamwee, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Vinyamwee, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Vinyamwee's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Vinyamwee's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about porpoises.

2. Never look at comets.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate great tits.