Bagbembeg is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, overgenerous crow.

Bagbembeg created tapeworms nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bagbembeg, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bagbembeg, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Bagbembeg's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Bagbembeg's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick whales.

2. Never feed peanuts to badgers while wearing pink hats.

3. Do not speak about corn.

4. Always treat porpoises with great respect.

5. Run away from turquoise otters, for they are unholy.