Tadvenjad is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, wise whale.

Tadvenjad created matter four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tadvenjad, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tadvenjad, she will torture you forever.

Tadvenjad's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Tadvenjad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never write about black holes.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Tadvenjad.

5. Do not dye your hair cyan.