Sashinbarnkem is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, unsympathetic snail.

Sashinbarnkem created Europe seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Sashinbarnkem, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Sashinbarnkem, he will turn you into a mole.

Sashinbarnkem's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Sashinbarnkem's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if four porpoises approach from the south.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never paint your back red.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Never eat bark.