Rigfitnel Tipsattag is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, irritating crab.

Rigfitnel Tipsattag created the planet Saturn nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rigfitnel Tipsattag, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Rigfitnel Tipsattag, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Rigfitnel Tipsattag's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Rigfitnel Tipsattag's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your face mauve.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Never go into violet rooms.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Erect five lead sculptures of Rigfitnel Tipsattag on top of important buildings.