Nurtmabvig is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, smart hedgehog.

Nurtmabvig created a quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtmabvig, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Nurtmabvig, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Nurtmabvig's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Nurtmabvig's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed wheat to seals while wearing blue jumpers.

2. Never go into purple rooms.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Do not run in public.

5. Never look at moons.