Kadlenzen is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, awe-inspiring alligator.

Kadlenzen created vertebrates six billion years ago.

If you believe in Kadlenzen, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Kadlenzen, he will destroy your home solar system.

Kadlenzen's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Kadlenzen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about asteroids.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never write about amino acids.

4. Never paint your neck turquoise.

5. Do not wear orange clothing.