Gemcat Satwodrak is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, flying pig.

Gemcat Satwodrak created the planet Mars three billion years ago.

If you believe in Gemcat Satwodrak, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gemcat Satwodrak, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Gemcat Satwodrak's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Gemcat Satwodrak's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if three birds approach from the east.

2. Feed all hungry squirrels.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never play with disobedient children.