Gumtarsom is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, almighty guinea pig.

Gumtarsom created a quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gumtarsom, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Gumtarsom, he will not care.

Gumtarsom's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Gumtarsom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never think about asteroids.

3. Never paint your back black.

4. Doves are not to be trusted.

5. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.