Jambaplat is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, compassionate elephant.

Jambaplat created vertebrates six million years ago.

If you believe in Jambaplat, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jambaplat, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jambaplat's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Jambaplat's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry pigs.

2. Run away from gray monkeys, for they are unholy.

3. Never write about comets.

4. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.