Dognigken is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, charitable spider.

Dognigken created a photon nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dognigken, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Dognigken, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Dognigken's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Dognigken's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never think ill of sick eagles.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Dognigken.

5. Do not make images of living things.