Flaptiksaf is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, merciless newt.

Flaptiksaf created vertebrates four billion years ago.

If you believe in Flaptiksaf, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Flaptiksaf, it will turn you into a rat.

Flaptiksaf's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Flaptiksaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate geese.

3. Hide if five monkeys approach from the north.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

5. Always help birds.