Cangoncab is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, happy cat.

Cangoncab created energy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cangoncab, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Cangoncab, she will jump up and down on your head.

Cangoncab's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Cangoncab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about goats.

2. Never wear turquoise stockings.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always obey Cangoncab's priests.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.