Staftaghak is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, merciless seal.

Staftaghak created the world two million years ago.

If you believe in Staftaghak, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Staftaghak, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Staftaghak's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Staftaghak's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Staftaghak.

4. Never wear shirts.

5. Never bounce near tapirs.