Lopvogbit is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, resourceful squid.

Lopvogbit created tapeworms six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lopvogbit, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Lopvogbit, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Lopvogbit's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Lopvogbit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never skip in holy places.

3. Never talk about squirrels.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Erect four zinc sculptures of Lopvogbit on top of important buildings.