Femarphiv is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, awe-inspiring ant.

Femarphiv created everything that exists nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Femarphiv, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Femarphiv, he will turn you into a rock.

Femarphiv's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Femarphiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about galaxies.

2. Put Femarphiv first in all things.

3. Never go into turquoise rooms.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never jump in the presence of shrews.