Mitvolken Teenbamdim is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, uncaring pig.

Mitvolken Teenbamdim created a down quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mitvolken Teenbamdim, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Mitvolken Teenbamdim, it will curse you with boils.

Mitvolken Teenbamdim's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Mitvolken Teenbamdim's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Run away if five whales approach from the south.

4. Never feed nuts to mice while wearing mauve jumpers.

5. Never pour water over plants.