Fembomfar is a god.

She takes the form of a small, bad-tempered goose.

Fembomfar created an up quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Fembomfar, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Fembomfar, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Fembomfar's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Fembomfar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Always treat great tits with great respect.

3. Always look after injured porpoises.

4. Never eat turnips.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fembomfar.