Flapcidyogbess is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, proud gnu.

Flapcidyogbess created matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Flapcidyogbess, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Flapcidyogbess, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Flapcidyogbess' most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Flapcidyogbess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never talk about pigs.