Quatyaktam is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, fast coyote.

Quatyaktam created snails seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatyaktam, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Quatyaktam, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Quatyaktam's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Quatyaktam's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate seals.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never think ill of sick great tits.

4. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.