Bitkanquartbon is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, clever camel.

Bitkanquartbon created a top quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bitkanquartbon, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bitkanquartbon, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Bitkanquartbon's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Bitkanquartbon's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. You must never eat oranges.

3. Rats are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never eat green fruit.