Kaplitrow is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, witty pigeon.

Kaplitrow created the Cigar Galaxy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kaplitrow, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Kaplitrow, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Kaplitrow's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Kaplitrow's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick seals.

2. Never laugh near nematodes.

3. You must love Kaplitrow.

4. Never talk about swans.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.