Omtvolbum is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, happy fish.

Omtvolbum created dark energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Omtvolbum, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Omtvolbum, he will jump up and down on your head.

Omtvolbum's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Omtvolbum's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Never wear tights.

5. Run away from white nematodes, for they are unholy.