Cumcabsas is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, thoughtless guinea pig.

Cumcabsas created the Whirlpool Galaxy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Cumcabsas, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Cumcabsas, she will remove you from existence.

Cumcabsas' most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Cumcabsas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

2. You must love Cumcabsas.

3. Never write about cell theory.

4. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.

5. Always help shrews.