Homsandven is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, ill-tempered snail.

Homsandven created vertebrates nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Homsandven, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Homsandven, he will not care.

Homsandven's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Homsandven's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate moths.

4. Always wear cyan.

5. Run away if five turtles approach from the west.