Armrutjen is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, amazing spider.

Armrutjen created dark matter four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Armrutjen, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Armrutjen, he will have a low opinion of you.

Armrutjen's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Armrutjen's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat otters with great respect.

2. Always obey Armrutjen's priests.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.