Hamxuckbim is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, egotistical tortoise.

Hamxuckbim created a strange quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Hamxuckbim, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hamxuckbim, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Hamxuckbim's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Hamxuckbim's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip near mites.

2. Never feed strawberries to birds while wearing indigo coats.

3. Hamxuckbim must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never mention foxes.

5. Do not covet oxen.