Batcatgan is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, clever grasshopper.

Batcatgan created snails five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Batcatgan, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Batcatgan, he will remove you from existence.

Batcatgan's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Batcatgan's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Batcatgan on top of all buildings.

2. Never feed pineapples to tortoises while wearing magenta kilts.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snakes.

5. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.