Hamwitfemcen is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, unjust grasshopper.

Hamwitfemcen created a quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hamwitfemcen, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Hamwitfemcen, she will turn you into a frog.

Hamwitfemcen's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Hamwitfemcen's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if eight rats approach from the north.

2. Eagles are not to be trusted.

3. Do not dye your hair violet.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hamwitfemcen.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.